Gotta love my weekends
NOT! It's been another one of those weekends that start out well and then crash and burn. Yippee. Just reminds me why I tend to work 6-7 days a week all the time.
Derby Day!
The 132nd running of the Kentucky Derby is today. Co-worker Tom, his girlfriend Leslie and their respective children, Jeremy and Lindsay are in Kentucky for the festivities and visiting Tom's family. This is Leslie’s first time meeting Tom’s whole family and also the first time they’ve taken both kids on a long trip together. Here’s hoping they made it to Kentucky before the two kids started aggravating each other and the grownups had to threaten death/mayhem/no Christmas present to restore the peace.
Care Package Away!
Mitch has discovered that his favorite soap, beige Safeguard, is not apparently available in his new locale. So I picked up a multi-bar pack for him at Wal-Mart and shipped it off. It would be bad to start a new job and then quit taking showers. Or at least quit using soap in said shower. Probably not the best way to make a good impression, particularly once the weather gets warm. Being the nice person that I am, I included a loaf of banana bread. Package ended up weighing 6 pounds, but that’s ok. I’m just doing my part to keep the USPS in business. :o)
Sockie Sockie!
I decided yesterday that I would stop by my favorite local yarn shop, Needleworks, for a single ball of sock yarn. I had purchased some Marks and Kattens Clown in a purple and gray colorway several months ago, but was unsure if I would need 2 or 3 balls for a pair of women’s socks, so I purchased 3 balls just to be safe. Turns out I only needed 2 balls so had a lonely orphan needing a mate. I finally decided to get a second ball so I could make a pair of socks for me with this yarn. When I got to Needleworks I found several other skeins of sock yarn in colors that just jumped out at me. I was good though. I only bought 3 extra skeins. At one point I had 5 skeins pulled out. I saw some Koigu in lovely bright colors, which I really like, but that is a bit beyond my budget at the moment. I also picked up some DPNs so I can finish the sleeve of a sweater I started 5 or 6 years ago. I ought to have it done just in time for summer. Of course, it’s a nice wool pullover. Now I just need to figure out what sock patterns to use for each of the yarns. *That* could take a long time. I suppose I ought to write up the sock patterns that I've got in my head. Heck, I might even be able to sell patterns, if I write them well enough.
Sundays last *forever*....
So, I got up this morning at a reasonable time. I'd decided that I was going to go have breakfast at the Courier Cafe. It's the first time I've been in there since Mitch left. Melinda came over to ask how Mitch was. Sequoia waved and said hi (at least she asked how I was doing). As usual, everybody wants to hear all about Mitch, but few people ask about me. I guess I am not sufficiently interesting on my own. That's a bit frustrating and depressing.
I was looking forward to having dinner with a friend tonight. I'd suggested it last week and he seemed quite excited about the idea. So I spent the past three days trying to find out what time he was dropping off his son since we were to have dinner after that. No response at all to pages or text messages. This afternoon I got a text message on my phone telling me that he has to cancel dinner, giving me a rather elaborate excuse that he now gets to keep his son tonight. I can't say I'm surprised. I'd actually expected to get stood up without any notice at all. Even so, I'm really disappointed. Well, at least he decided to be polite and respectful and let me know, instead of just standing me up as he has done in the past. Right now I'm mostly just angry at myself for thinking the evening might have included some social activity. And also angry because the whole situation upset me so much when, in the grand scheme of things, it's really quite insignificant.
It's been almost three weeks since I went out and did anything with anybody. I guess I should get used to that. It's amazing how people will tell me they'd love to do something with me and they'll call me (or I should call them). Yet, when that call is made, the excuses begin to flow about how that plan won't work now and they have to cancel. Occasionally, if I go out to lunch at the restaurant we were going to go to, I can often find the person who had to cancel lunch with me having lunch with someone else. Scratch that person off the list of nice people. Maybe that's why I have no friends. I happen to think I deserve to be treated politely and with courtesy. Nobody else seems to think so. Although, on days like today, I think maybe they're right.
So now it's another rather depressing evening. Alone. Tried to do more job application stuff. I really don't see that there's much point there. I should have taken the TX job that was offered to me a few weeks ago. It would have been really difficult to get everything done as fast as they needed it to happen, but obviously it was a mistake to not just run. Maybe the TN job will work out for me. Or the job in Pennsylvania. I'd really like the job in Germany, but somehow I don't think that one will quite come through. That would certainly get me the hell out of here geographically. And I'd like to see Europe. Maybe I'll finish those apps up tonight, just to get them out there. See, there it goes again. I'm being optimistic again, even though the past three years of under/unemployment would indicate that such optimism is misguided and unrealistic.
Loneliness or Solitude or Burnout?
I think my primary problem is that I spend far too much of my time completely alone. I go to work and chatter at my partner for the day. I come home and it's just me. I try to keep busy. I work extra shifts mostly because I don't want to be stuck at home alone though the extra money is nice. Of course, now the people on the other shifts think I'm nothing but a tool and make a point of saying I'm not a team player if I don't stay extra after my shift or pick up extra shifts so they can get time off. These very same people don't bother to pick up my shifts, but somehow that's different. One of the supervisors has made a point of sending me thank you notes for staying late and helping them out. It's silly that something simple like that really makes my day, but there you go. It's nice to know that at least one person appreciates me and what I do. Everybody else just bitches that I haven't done enough for them fast enough. I may not have much of a life outside of work (no family, school, extra jobs, etc), but I do have a yard to mow, errands to do, hobbies I don't have much time for and, occasionally, a darn good book to read in my comfy chair. Poopyheads. What I need is a break and time for me WITHOUT having to justify it to anybody and everybody. The next person who rags me for taking care of myself is risking life and limb. My temper is getting exceptionally short and I really don't care any more if I bitch someone out.
On solitude:
Many years ago I saw a presentation given by Terry Waite. Mr. Waite was held hostage in Iran for over a year. He was kept in solitary confinement for much of that time. He talked about practicing "creative solitude". I'll have to track down his book and see if I can find some suggestions on what to do with all the time I have alone. I know I need to keep busy and not think about it. It's hard to go out and spend time at Pages or go out to eat alone and watch everybody else in the place laughing and having fun with someone else. It really does seem like I'm the only solo person in the world sometimes. I've even got a list of things to do when I get "bored" or start to get depressed. The trick is that I usually don't want to do any of them because I'm getting depressed and none of them interest me. And sometimes things I could be doing cost money I don't really have. Movies used to be my escape, but any more I can't afford $6 for a matinee ticket and, frankly, the movies out lately aren't worth spending $6 on anyway. Good thing the library has free DVDs and videos or I'd truly go insane. I guess I ought to start in on the books on tape too.
Well, time to go find something else to do besides wallow in self-pity, because that, after all, is not exactly a successful way to get over my disgruntlement. Blah.
Derby Day!
The 132nd running of the Kentucky Derby is today. Co-worker Tom, his girlfriend Leslie and their respective children, Jeremy and Lindsay are in Kentucky for the festivities and visiting Tom's family. This is Leslie’s first time meeting Tom’s whole family and also the first time they’ve taken both kids on a long trip together. Here’s hoping they made it to Kentucky before the two kids started aggravating each other and the grownups had to threaten death/mayhem/no Christmas present to restore the peace.
Care Package Away!
Mitch has discovered that his favorite soap, beige Safeguard, is not apparently available in his new locale. So I picked up a multi-bar pack for him at Wal-Mart and shipped it off. It would be bad to start a new job and then quit taking showers. Or at least quit using soap in said shower. Probably not the best way to make a good impression, particularly once the weather gets warm. Being the nice person that I am, I included a loaf of banana bread. Package ended up weighing 6 pounds, but that’s ok. I’m just doing my part to keep the USPS in business. :o)
Sockie Sockie!
I decided yesterday that I would stop by my favorite local yarn shop, Needleworks, for a single ball of sock yarn. I had purchased some Marks and Kattens Clown in a purple and gray colorway several months ago, but was unsure if I would need 2 or 3 balls for a pair of women’s socks, so I purchased 3 balls just to be safe. Turns out I only needed 2 balls so had a lonely orphan needing a mate. I finally decided to get a second ball so I could make a pair of socks for me with this yarn. When I got to Needleworks I found several other skeins of sock yarn in colors that just jumped out at me. I was good though. I only bought 3 extra skeins. At one point I had 5 skeins pulled out. I saw some Koigu in lovely bright colors, which I really like, but that is a bit beyond my budget at the moment. I also picked up some DPNs so I can finish the sleeve of a sweater I started 5 or 6 years ago. I ought to have it done just in time for summer. Of course, it’s a nice wool pullover.
Sundays last *forever*....
So, I got up this morning at a reasonable time. I'd decided that I was going to go have breakfast at the Courier Cafe. It's the first time I've been in there since Mitch left. Melinda came over to ask how Mitch was. Sequoia waved and said hi (at least she asked how I was doing). As usual, everybody wants to hear all about Mitch, but few people ask about me. I guess I am not sufficiently interesting on my own. That's a bit frustrating and depressing.
I was looking forward to having dinner with a friend tonight. I'd suggested it last week and he seemed quite excited about the idea. So I spent the past three days trying to find out what time he was dropping off his son since we were to have dinner after that. No response at all to pages or text messages. This afternoon I got a text message on my phone telling me that he has to cancel dinner, giving me a rather elaborate excuse that he now gets to keep his son tonight. I can't say I'm surprised. I'd actually expected to get stood up without any notice at all. Even so, I'm really disappointed. Well, at least he decided to be polite and respectful and let me know, instead of just standing me up as he has done in the past. Right now I'm mostly just angry at myself for thinking the evening might have included some social activity. And also angry because the whole situation upset me so much when, in the grand scheme of things, it's really quite insignificant.
It's been almost three weeks since I went out and did anything with anybody. I guess I should get used to that. It's amazing how people will tell me they'd love to do something with me and they'll call me (or I should call them). Yet, when that call is made, the excuses begin to flow about how that plan won't work now and they have to cancel. Occasionally, if I go out to lunch at the restaurant we were going to go to, I can often find the person who had to cancel lunch with me having lunch with someone else. Scratch that person off the list of nice people. Maybe that's why I have no friends. I happen to think I deserve to be treated politely and with courtesy. Nobody else seems to think so. Although, on days like today, I think maybe they're right.
So now it's another rather depressing evening. Alone. Tried to do more job application stuff. I really don't see that there's much point there. I should have taken the TX job that was offered to me a few weeks ago. It would have been really difficult to get everything done as fast as they needed it to happen, but obviously it was a mistake to not just run. Maybe the TN job will work out for me. Or the job in Pennsylvania. I'd really like the job in Germany, but somehow I don't think that one will quite come through. That would certainly get me the hell out of here geographically. And I'd like to see Europe. Maybe I'll finish those apps up tonight, just to get them out there. See, there it goes again. I'm being optimistic again, even though the past three years of under/unemployment would indicate that such optimism is misguided and unrealistic.
Loneliness or Solitude or Burnout?
I think my primary problem is that I spend far too much of my time completely alone. I go to work and chatter at my partner for the day. I come home and it's just me. I try to keep busy. I work extra shifts mostly because I don't want to be stuck at home alone though the extra money is nice. Of course, now the people on the other shifts think I'm nothing but a tool and make a point of saying I'm not a team player if I don't stay extra after my shift or pick up extra shifts so they can get time off. These very same people don't bother to pick up my shifts, but somehow that's different. One of the supervisors has made a point of sending me thank you notes for staying late and helping them out. It's silly that something simple like that really makes my day, but there you go. It's nice to know that at least one person appreciates me and what I do. Everybody else just bitches that I haven't done enough for them fast enough. I may not have much of a life outside of work (no family, school, extra jobs, etc), but I do have a yard to mow, errands to do, hobbies I don't have much time for and, occasionally, a darn good book to read in my comfy chair. Poopyheads. What I need is a break and time for me WITHOUT having to justify it to anybody and everybody. The next person who rags me for taking care of myself is risking life and limb. My temper is getting exceptionally short and I really don't care any more if I bitch someone out.
On solitude:
Many years ago I saw a presentation given by Terry Waite. Mr. Waite was held hostage in Iran for over a year. He was kept in solitary confinement for much of that time. He talked about practicing "creative solitude". I'll have to track down his book and see if I can find some suggestions on what to do with all the time I have alone. I know I need to keep busy and not think about it. It's hard to go out and spend time at Pages or go out to eat alone and watch everybody else in the place laughing and having fun with someone else. It really does seem like I'm the only solo person in the world sometimes. I've even got a list of things to do when I get "bored" or start to get depressed. The trick is that I usually don't want to do any of them because I'm getting depressed and none of them interest me. And sometimes things I could be doing cost money I don't really have. Movies used to be my escape, but any more I can't afford $6 for a matinee ticket and, frankly, the movies out lately aren't worth spending $6 on anyway. Good thing the library has free DVDs and videos or I'd truly go insane. I guess I ought to start in on the books on tape too.
Well, time to go find something else to do besides wallow in self-pity, because that, after all, is not exactly a successful way to get over my disgruntlement. Blah.
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