The last day at work
Work-wise, not much exciting happened.
Last Call:
My last call at work involved an older gentleman whose dog had gone across the street. The patient followed the dog across the street, sent it back home and when he turned around to head across the street himself, he got his feet tangled up and he fell, striking his face on the pavement. He had a nice nosebleed, a laceration on the bridge of his nose, a split lip, a broken partial denture and probably a broken nose. But he was the nicest person I've talked to in a long time. His dog was very protective of him and kept barking any time my partner entered the house, but he didn't bite or growl, just expressed his unhappiness with the strangers in the house. Eventually he relaxed enough to let me pet him and then he lay down behind his person's chair.
What made me a little sad is that the patient is still struggling to pay off his partial denture which is now broken and he's got at least one other newly chipped or broken tooth. I worry that he won't be able to get his teeth fixed and then will have trouble eating. He did apologize for sharing his troubles and I assured him it was perfectly fine particularly since he's not having a particularly good day. I tried to get him to talk about the leatherworking he does (there was a partially assembled purse in a box in the living room), but a friend came over to give him a ride so time ran out. I hope he does ok and that the denture wasn't too badly broken. He seemed like a nice guy. He seems to be doing quite well living alone. The house was a bit untidy, but clean (whose house isn't?).
I hate it when nice people have bad things happen to them. Or even things that aren't really bad, but just make life harder. Nobody needs to have their life made harder and with older folks on their own it's sometimes the beginning of that slippery slope toward no longer being independent.
Saying Good-bye:
At the end of the shift everybody gathered for a group picture. I was fairly certain that at least a few people wouldn't be there since they don't particularly like me, but everybody was present. I don't know if any cajoing or invoking of guilt was involved. I don't think I care. The picture turned out pretty well. Doug is going to make prints for me and I'll be sure to put one on my desk at my new job. I got a picture of Smalls doing his best "Mr. Universe" pose in front of the ambulance too. Compton just covered his eyes and hoped that the passing traffic didn't notice our silliness.
I got a bit teary-eyed clocking out for the last time. I managed to make it out of the building ok though. Lost it in the car on the way home. This is the first job I've ever had where I was very very sad to leave. Everything else was just a job. In the past three years, the guys on my shift became my family and I really am closer to them than my actual family. Because we spend so much time together (12 hour shifts 3-4 times a week at a minimum and almost all major holidays), we get to know each other and each other's lives pretty well.
Most of what I learned from them has been good, some has been painful. I have learned to control my temper and to think about what I say before I say it. Tom demonstrated some excellent teaching/mentoring skills and general personal interaction skills. I learned to constructively address a problem with somebody instead of letting it fester and explode later (and it went well). I have learned that it's ok to be upset about something somebody did, but to not be upset with that person. I have learned that just because someone doesn't like something I did (or that I made a mistake) doesn't mean the person doesn't like me. I have learned how to have friends. My life has been made richer for having known them and I will miss them dearly. I really do hope that at least some of them keep in touch and even visit. I will certainly make the effort to keep track of them.
Today it was weird to not be at work. Already things are changing. I stopped by this morning to leave blueberry muffins for the guys as promised. Toby has taken over my space in the roster. It just didn't feel the same to be there. I'm no longer part of the shift. Mostly I think I'm envious, knowing that they're off running calls and engaging in the usual banter. It's been a pretty gloomy day for me, even though the sun is shining. Not having much luck keeping busy.
"The End of an Era"
Dr. Ellis was in the ER on Friday and I told him Saturday was my last day. He is calling my leaving C-U "the end of an era". I guess it is. I've spent 20 years here. More than half my life. Until I came to C-U, the longest I'd lived in any single town was 3 years.
I think I'm okay with moving on with my life, but it's a bit sad too. There's a lot of history here. There are people and places here that I will probably never see again. I'm trying to look at the change as being a big new adventure, but right now I'm exhausted with keeping tabs on getting the closing done on the 28th, packing, making moving arrangements, making utilities arrangements and that sort of stuff. Needless to say I'm becoming a big fan of The Nap.
Elsewhere in my life:
After completely ignoring my existence for the past few months, last night I was acknowledged by B and told good luck. He also told me to not do anything he wouldn't do, but since he'll do pretty much anything and not give a damn how it affects anybody else, how hard will that be? He's still a jerk and an absolute liar, but at least he can pretend to be a decent person on occasion. Maybe there is a tiny molecule of decency in there somewhere. Too bad it's outweighed by the rest of the BS. I have come to the conclusion that he meant exactly none of the things he told me during the six months we were dating. It was all just an act to get what he wanted. I don't see that behavior changing with any subsequent relationship he's in. Update: B and R are now being referred to as "Rode Hard" and "Put Away Wet", but remember, they're not dating either. And the Pope isn't Catholic.
World Freefall Convention!
The World Free Fall Convention opened a couple of days ago. This year the highlight is jumping the jet--Perris Valley flew out a DC-9. The first load of skydivers out of it yesterday landed several miles west of the LZ. There is a HALO jump available again this year. It's the only 30,000' HALO jump allowed in the US. W00t! Fortunately for the campers the weather has cooled off quite a bit. I *hate* camping when it's in the 90s.
Yesterday, a few skydivers wandered, limped or rode into the first aid tent (miscellaneous cuts and scrapes, some road rash and a twisted ankle). Later in the day, a skydiver missed the landing zone and collided with a tree, sustaining a compresion fracture in the lower back. With any luck they'll be back next year and jumping again. All the skydivers who sustained broken bones last year are back this year. Last year two skydivers were killed. Among my co-workers, the prediction this year is that 1-2 more will have a fatal accident. The average is one a year, usually some sort of skydiver error. The incident I was involved in last year I believe was ruled skydiver error (cutaway too low and reserve chute didn't have enough time to deploy).
But the convention is about having fun. The people there are pretty cool. Very outgoing, strong personalities and generally pretty happy. Living life on the edge and getting what they can from it while they're here. There's something to be said for cultivating that attitude, perhaps tempering it with some sort of statement about not hurting other folks intentionally while you do whatever you want. (Yes, I'm a hopeless optimist and altruist. I can't help it. I see no point in not avoiding causing other people pain where it is reasonably possible. This would be a fundamental difference between B and myself.)
I like watching the plane make its pass, then a few seconds later colorful parachutes blossom in the sky and float to earth. Watching it almost makes me want to jump too. Almost. I think my issues with falling would probably get in they way. Kelly and someone else from work are going to jump this year. Kelly wanted to haver her oldest son jump too, but he doesn't make the minimum age requirement.
A Philosophical Question:
Rather than sit at home last night, I went out to White Horse to hang out with Tom and Smalls for a while. Smalls asked me what it is about jerk guys (such as B) that enables them to attract women while nice guys, such as Smalls and Tom have difficulty getting women to go out with them. I didn't have a good answer for him, but it's gotten me to thinking. I think this is a variation on why the cute, brainless chicks get all the attention and dates when the smart, independent, opinionated and less attractive women like me get socially. We are, after all, too intimidating, or something. My problem is that I'm just one of the guys. That's always been the case. I'm not really a girl. I'm one of the guys, thus not someone they'd date.
I attempted to respond to Smalls' question and I expect I'll continue to ponder it for some time. I wasn't happy with my response. First, I expounded upon the smooth line of BS that is offered. Women want to believe that someone finds them unique and special. All those sappy lines in the chick flicks. We're trained to want to hear that and certainly everybody wants to believe that someone finds them to be special. I don't know if there are some folks who are extra susceptible to that or not. I certainly seem to be. Being rather honest and straightforward myself, I tend to believe what people tell me until it is proven to me that someone has a habit of lying, after which I never trust anything they say again. I do not assume that I'm being fed a line of BS when someone says they'd follow me to whatever job wherever it may be or that they can't imagine not being friends. Of course, in my life these statements have only ever proven to be lies.
Smalls mentioned that B isn't the most physically attractive of guys, but seems to attract women anyway. I tried to point out that women aren't visually oriented like guys are. Women seem to like a guy first, then find him attractive. Men have their attention caught by the physically attractive and then find out if they like the woman or not. Or perhaps the jerk guys just assume (mostly correctly) that many women have self-confidence and self-image issues and play upon those to get them to fall for them. Guys like Tom and Smalls just present who they are, as they are and other folks can take them or leave them. The weasel guys present a smooth exterior hiding a nasty interior. Of course the less obviously flawed person will be chosen. And the hot chicks always get the attention while the not-so-hot chicks get overlooked, even though we've got lots to offer too, just in a plainer package.
The more I think about the whole concept, the more I think I'm going to swear off dating completely. It's just not worth the effort. Better to just avoid the whole issue and skip the crash and burn part.
Last Call:
My last call at work involved an older gentleman whose dog had gone across the street. The patient followed the dog across the street, sent it back home and when he turned around to head across the street himself, he got his feet tangled up and he fell, striking his face on the pavement. He had a nice nosebleed, a laceration on the bridge of his nose, a split lip, a broken partial denture and probably a broken nose. But he was the nicest person I've talked to in a long time. His dog was very protective of him and kept barking any time my partner entered the house, but he didn't bite or growl, just expressed his unhappiness with the strangers in the house. Eventually he relaxed enough to let me pet him and then he lay down behind his person's chair.
What made me a little sad is that the patient is still struggling to pay off his partial denture which is now broken and he's got at least one other newly chipped or broken tooth. I worry that he won't be able to get his teeth fixed and then will have trouble eating. He did apologize for sharing his troubles and I assured him it was perfectly fine particularly since he's not having a particularly good day. I tried to get him to talk about the leatherworking he does (there was a partially assembled purse in a box in the living room), but a friend came over to give him a ride so time ran out. I hope he does ok and that the denture wasn't too badly broken. He seemed like a nice guy. He seems to be doing quite well living alone. The house was a bit untidy, but clean (whose house isn't?).
I hate it when nice people have bad things happen to them. Or even things that aren't really bad, but just make life harder. Nobody needs to have their life made harder and with older folks on their own it's sometimes the beginning of that slippery slope toward no longer being independent.
Saying Good-bye:
At the end of the shift everybody gathered for a group picture. I was fairly certain that at least a few people wouldn't be there since they don't particularly like me, but everybody was present. I don't know if any cajoing or invoking of guilt was involved. I don't think I care. The picture turned out pretty well. Doug is going to make prints for me and I'll be sure to put one on my desk at my new job. I got a picture of Smalls doing his best "Mr. Universe" pose in front of the ambulance too. Compton just covered his eyes and hoped that the passing traffic didn't notice our silliness.
I got a bit teary-eyed clocking out for the last time. I managed to make it out of the building ok though. Lost it in the car on the way home. This is the first job I've ever had where I was very very sad to leave. Everything else was just a job. In the past three years, the guys on my shift became my family and I really am closer to them than my actual family. Because we spend so much time together (12 hour shifts 3-4 times a week at a minimum and almost all major holidays), we get to know each other and each other's lives pretty well.
Most of what I learned from them has been good, some has been painful. I have learned to control my temper and to think about what I say before I say it. Tom demonstrated some excellent teaching/mentoring skills and general personal interaction skills. I learned to constructively address a problem with somebody instead of letting it fester and explode later (and it went well). I have learned that it's ok to be upset about something somebody did, but to not be upset with that person. I have learned that just because someone doesn't like something I did (or that I made a mistake) doesn't mean the person doesn't like me. I have learned how to have friends. My life has been made richer for having known them and I will miss them dearly. I really do hope that at least some of them keep in touch and even visit. I will certainly make the effort to keep track of them.
Today it was weird to not be at work. Already things are changing. I stopped by this morning to leave blueberry muffins for the guys as promised. Toby has taken over my space in the roster. It just didn't feel the same to be there. I'm no longer part of the shift. Mostly I think I'm envious, knowing that they're off running calls and engaging in the usual banter. It's been a pretty gloomy day for me, even though the sun is shining. Not having much luck keeping busy.
"The End of an Era"
Dr. Ellis was in the ER on Friday and I told him Saturday was my last day. He is calling my leaving C-U "the end of an era". I guess it is. I've spent 20 years here. More than half my life. Until I came to C-U, the longest I'd lived in any single town was 3 years.
I think I'm okay with moving on with my life, but it's a bit sad too. There's a lot of history here. There are people and places here that I will probably never see again. I'm trying to look at the change as being a big new adventure, but right now I'm exhausted with keeping tabs on getting the closing done on the 28th, packing, making moving arrangements, making utilities arrangements and that sort of stuff. Needless to say I'm becoming a big fan of The Nap.
Elsewhere in my life:
After completely ignoring my existence for the past few months, last night I was acknowledged by B and told good luck. He also told me to not do anything he wouldn't do, but since he'll do pretty much anything and not give a damn how it affects anybody else, how hard will that be? He's still a jerk and an absolute liar, but at least he can pretend to be a decent person on occasion. Maybe there is a tiny molecule of decency in there somewhere. Too bad it's outweighed by the rest of the BS. I have come to the conclusion that he meant exactly none of the things he told me during the six months we were dating. It was all just an act to get what he wanted. I don't see that behavior changing with any subsequent relationship he's in. Update: B and R are now being referred to as "Rode Hard" and "Put Away Wet", but remember, they're not dating either. And the Pope isn't Catholic.
World Freefall Convention!
The World Free Fall Convention opened a couple of days ago. This year the highlight is jumping the jet--Perris Valley flew out a DC-9. The first load of skydivers out of it yesterday landed several miles west of the LZ. There is a HALO jump available again this year. It's the only 30,000' HALO jump allowed in the US. W00t! Fortunately for the campers the weather has cooled off quite a bit. I *hate* camping when it's in the 90s.
Yesterday, a few skydivers wandered, limped or rode into the first aid tent (miscellaneous cuts and scrapes, some road rash and a twisted ankle). Later in the day, a skydiver missed the landing zone and collided with a tree, sustaining a compresion fracture in the lower back. With any luck they'll be back next year and jumping again. All the skydivers who sustained broken bones last year are back this year. Last year two skydivers were killed. Among my co-workers, the prediction this year is that 1-2 more will have a fatal accident. The average is one a year, usually some sort of skydiver error. The incident I was involved in last year I believe was ruled skydiver error (cutaway too low and reserve chute didn't have enough time to deploy).
But the convention is about having fun. The people there are pretty cool. Very outgoing, strong personalities and generally pretty happy. Living life on the edge and getting what they can from it while they're here. There's something to be said for cultivating that attitude, perhaps tempering it with some sort of statement about not hurting other folks intentionally while you do whatever you want. (Yes, I'm a hopeless optimist and altruist. I can't help it. I see no point in not avoiding causing other people pain where it is reasonably possible. This would be a fundamental difference between B and myself.)
I like watching the plane make its pass, then a few seconds later colorful parachutes blossom in the sky and float to earth. Watching it almost makes me want to jump too. Almost. I think my issues with falling would probably get in they way. Kelly and someone else from work are going to jump this year. Kelly wanted to haver her oldest son jump too, but he doesn't make the minimum age requirement.
A Philosophical Question:
Rather than sit at home last night, I went out to White Horse to hang out with Tom and Smalls for a while. Smalls asked me what it is about jerk guys (such as B) that enables them to attract women while nice guys, such as Smalls and Tom have difficulty getting women to go out with them. I didn't have a good answer for him, but it's gotten me to thinking. I think this is a variation on why the cute, brainless chicks get all the attention and dates when the smart, independent, opinionated and less attractive women like me get socially. We are, after all, too intimidating, or something. My problem is that I'm just one of the guys. That's always been the case. I'm not really a girl. I'm one of the guys, thus not someone they'd date.
I attempted to respond to Smalls' question and I expect I'll continue to ponder it for some time. I wasn't happy with my response. First, I expounded upon the smooth line of BS that is offered. Women want to believe that someone finds them unique and special. All those sappy lines in the chick flicks. We're trained to want to hear that and certainly everybody wants to believe that someone finds them to be special. I don't know if there are some folks who are extra susceptible to that or not. I certainly seem to be. Being rather honest and straightforward myself, I tend to believe what people tell me until it is proven to me that someone has a habit of lying, after which I never trust anything they say again. I do not assume that I'm being fed a line of BS when someone says they'd follow me to whatever job wherever it may be or that they can't imagine not being friends. Of course, in my life these statements have only ever proven to be lies.
Smalls mentioned that B isn't the most physically attractive of guys, but seems to attract women anyway. I tried to point out that women aren't visually oriented like guys are. Women seem to like a guy first, then find him attractive. Men have their attention caught by the physically attractive and then find out if they like the woman or not. Or perhaps the jerk guys just assume (mostly correctly) that many women have self-confidence and self-image issues and play upon those to get them to fall for them. Guys like Tom and Smalls just present who they are, as they are and other folks can take them or leave them. The weasel guys present a smooth exterior hiding a nasty interior. Of course the less obviously flawed person will be chosen. And the hot chicks always get the attention while the not-so-hot chicks get overlooked, even though we've got lots to offer too, just in a plainer package.
The more I think about the whole concept, the more I think I'm going to swear off dating completely. It's just not worth the effort. Better to just avoid the whole issue and skip the crash and burn part.
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