I'm Sick

There's no denying it today. I definitely have a cold. My head is stuffy, the sinuses on the right side of my head are clogged, my eyes are itchy and my nose is runny. How my nose could be simultaneously stopped up and runny escapes me, but it does it anyway. I've had several conversations about it, sometimes while tapping on the right side of my face under my eye. Oddly enough this seems to help for a little while.

Attitudes and Good Fits
I have realized again that I am not a good fit at my place of employment. When something goes wrong at work, it seems to me that the first priority is to demonstrate that someone else screwed up. Lots of energy goes into railing about errors made by other people/offices and how it's a hardship to have to work with/under these (presumed incompetent) people. I'm not against venting, but I do try to limit it and I don't get myself all worked up again every time I talk about it. I'd rather jump right in and get to work fixing the problem while thinking in the back of my head about what could be done differently to perhaps prevent the problem in the future. Sometimes the problems can't be avoided. Sometimes the implementation of new processes don't go smoothly and sometimes mistakes just happen.

It frustrates and stresses me to listen to people repeatedly re-hash situations like that. All it seems to do is get them worked up and upset again, plus it fosters bad feelings against the person(s)/groups who are at fault. Often the ranting is accompanied with a laundry list of all the previous failings of said person/group. I just don't see the purpose of bashing people. I guess it makes some folks feel superior to point of the flaws of those around them. For me, it causes me to distrust the persons doing the pointing. I end up suspecting that I'll be the next subject for dissing whenever I'm not in the room and a new subject is needed.

Although I am going to sit down with my supervisor next week and come up with some projects for me to work on, so that I might actually do more for the company, I am being reminded again that this particular work environment is not a good fit for me. It's important to me to make a solid contribution to my employer. In the past six months, I don't think I've done that at all. What bothers me the most is the stuff that I do all the time is the stuff that gets talked about as being the lowest priority work to be done during "down time". All I have is down time. I've tried to ask if I can help co-workers, but get shrugged off only to hear them complain about being swamped. Pointing out that there might be communication problems and that we might do things in a different way only seems to make the situation worse. Perhaps my next employer will be a better fit. Hopefully my supervisor will follow through on the recommendation information this time. If my boss is unhappy wtih my performance and would rather I didn't work there, failing to send in recommendation information is not really going to help me leave. I'm not sure what happened, but prospective employer never received the information that current employer said was sent. I'll chalk one incident of that up to fax or e-mail hiccups. Multiple incidents will aggravate me and need to be addressed.

Now I'm definitely considering what I need to do with my house and belongings in order to facilitate selling my house and moving. I'm going to adopt a mantra wherein I focus on obtaining an excellent job with no hiccups *and* sell my house. The Universe *will* present me with an excellent job opportunity which will coincide with someone wanting to buy my house for at least what I spent to buy it. Things will work out just as I want them to. There *will* be a happy ending.


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