The Word is Out

I spoke with my supervisor today and let Super know that I am actively seeking other employment. I gave it some long, hard thought over the past several weeks. During that time, I realized that I've been here over 2 1/2 years and the problems that exist now are the same problems that cropped up at the beginning of my tenure and the same problems that I have attempted to address with some regularity since I started working here. Even the excuses for these continuing problems are the same. While I am remarkably persistent, there's no point in being persistent when or where nothing changes. I am not the person for this particular job and workplace.

My attitude lately has been quite depressed and unhappy, both at home and at work, which only makes everything worse and makes me certain I need to get out soon. My headaches are starting to come back too. The thought of even going to work is enough to bring me to tears. I still put forth my best effort and put on as happy a face as I can manage, but I know that's not sustainable and it sure isn't fun when there's no end in sight, so it seems that the best choice is to move on. I'm just not a good fit at this particular workplace and there is nothing I know of to fix that. Nobody else seems to have any ideas either. They just shrug and the lack of communication continues. As I told Super, I've done all the trying that I have the energy to try and the situation hasn't changed. Super said that was understandable and apologized for things not going better. I said it wasn't Super's fault and also explained that I would continue to work at my best level until I found a different position. Super said that would be fine. I also stated that I would provide probably 4 weeks notice about my departure, which was also acceptable.

Now I'll have to see how well the news of my intended departure goes over. I would like to think that maturity and professionalism will reign, but I don't trust some people very much, given the backstabbing and gossiping I've seen and heard them do about others. I'll watch my back and do my job and remain professional. That's all I can do.

By coincidence, things today already didn't go well. I was invited to join a bunch of folks for lunch, which was a very nice surprise. Later on, one of the folks specifically asked if I was going and I said yes. The group left without me. Despite there being three people standing around when I said yes I would go to lunch, nobody knew I was going so they all piled into a vehicle and took off. I should have just gone back inside and eaten by myself. The whole meal was very uncomfortable and I really didn't want to be there. It's really hard to stay cheerful when things like that happen. My plan from here on out is to go in, do my work, stay out of everybody's way as much as I can and go home.

It will be interesting to see how long it takes the rumor mill/grapevine to distribute my decision to leave throughout the building. If people ask why I'm leaving I'll just tell them that I'm not a good fit and after 2 1/2 years of trying, it is clear that I never will be a good fit for this workplace.


Twitchh said…

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